crazeeme
Diagnosed at 35

What do you want others to know about lupus?

I live in a world understood only by others with this ailment- despite family and friends who "think" they understand, no one can truly understand the daily struggles and triumphs we face- I have a mask that I wear- I call it my Revlon Mask- We put on a "face" and for every (1) symptom or complaint we may share with others, there are many more that we keep insid

Why is lupus a cruel mystery to you?

I am a mere shell of my once perky self. I am the epitomy of a seasoned actress who is starring in the battle of her life. The Revlon mask is not as bullet proof as it may appear. I feel alone in this battle. I force myself to go to work though my body is aching, I cook and clean though my body is screaming for me to lay down. I refuse to lay down as if it spells defeat. I am tired of acting like a superhero in a movie that is one person when they have their costume on, but once it is off they are a timid weak shell of a person. That is me. I pretend I am fine. I pretend I want to go out. I pretend to look good. I pretend to be strong. And yet, I am thankful to be alive and look at others struggling with life threatening diseases and I am ashamed of myself for my selfish thoughts and pity party I have with myself. It is then that I put my superhero revlon mask back on and get back to the business of life.

Support this Voice